Surrender

How does someone surrender?  This is a question that I've asked myself many times over the last several years.  It can be connected to so many situations.  Some religious people speak of and attempt to surrender all they have to God.  Kenny Werner is an amazing New York-based jazz pianist who has built a career off of an idea of surrendering the ego while you play to the talents you have cultivated over the years.  Meditators speak of letting go and surrendering over to a life force or just being in the moment but focusing on something as simple and natural as breathing.  It's tricky for me to fully understand what it means to surrender everything.  It is something that I'm interested in, whether it's related to my faith, my art, or my way of being.  But is making choices in these areas the part where you are not necessarily surrendering?  Life is all about choices.  Even Rush once recorded the lyric, "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice."  I'm constantly making choices, whether it's to eat something healthy, go for a run or sit and watch a bunch of youtube videos in a row, when to go to sleep, when to pray, to keep my room organized, to sit at the drumset and practice.  How am I not surrendering in these areas?  Does "surrender" mean I'm complacent and just waiting for something to happen?  I have to think this one through some more.

When a personal milestone didn't bring the happiness I expected...

When I lived in New York, I played for a Big Band with the New York Jazz Academy.  It was basically a community-based education setting to get experience playing with the Big Band.  We were set up to play a concert at Carnegie Hall.  I was super excited and felt like I was well on my way to bigger gigs after I had finally played there.  Well, the concert came and gone and once it was over and done, I didn't feel all that different after.  I could now say that I had done it and put it on my bio on my website and on my musician's resume, but it wasn't as satisfying as I was expecting to have that show under my belt.  I enjoyed it whilst I was experiencing it with my bandmates, but it didn't give a lasting happiness that I was expecting it to give me.  I realized that I could not rely on individual big gigs to provide me the happiness I desired.  I needed to make it a life-long pursuit until I could be in a place where I was booking shows that were of my own creation while also seeking happiness in the simpleness of life that I am lucky enough to enjoy.  I'm still learning to do that today and don't think it's ever going to be a place that I reach fully..... It's more about enjoying the ride.